Despite what Bill says lawnmowerman is one word, But hey if we were concerned about grammer I sure
wouldn't be writing this page. Im gunna tell you a little story about me ...about a experience that
could happen to any of you. It all happened back in the days of playing Quake on my mom's computer
a whoppin p100 with 16megs of ram ( those were the days ). I had just gotten done playing
a little co-op modem Nightmare Quake with Nicotine, and as any hard core Quaker would do after playing,
I went to hit the can. So I waddled my arse toward the bathroom with my ass puckering as I pulled down
my pants, grabed some porcylin and dropped the bomb.I let out a gasp of relief and went for the
good ol arse paper but, it.. it was empty! I sat there staring at the dispencer which once furnished
the godliest of all papers.So I decided to get up and head for the closet and get some TP,there I
was ,pants around my ankles bare assed stumbling to the hall closet looking for toilet paper to find
WHAT!!!! A EMPTY TOILET PAPER BAG....Things had taken a turn for the worse what was I to do.
I thought a minute then it struck me ahh the bible has them nice soft blank pages in the back.. Then I though
of the advice that my mom told me on my 12th birthday " dont ever wipe your ass with the bible ,it's a
sure ticket to hell".Well that was out and I was heading for the phone book until I though of the paper
towels that might be in the kitchen,I headed toward the kitchen opening cupboards left and right,
the poodles' (Reebok) staring at me wondering what im doing.No paper towles,just when I had almost
given up hope there it was the perfect thing almost better then toilet paper Western Family Coffee
Filters ahhh the name alone spelled relief, I hobbled my prematurly crusting ass back to the bathroom
to get the job done befor I had to get out the hammer and chisle. The wiping experiance was a good one not to be
forgotten. And the moral of this story is always make sure thers plenty of tp in the house befor you decide to drop
the bomb, other wise you might find your self stumbling around the house bare assed with your pants around your
ankles in search of something to wipe with. And if push comes to shove theres always the poodle...